All Thumbs

'Go on, do it!'

Jason looked down at the meat cleaver in his right hand. His gaze shifted to his left hand which was planted firmly on the wooden block, fingers spread wide.

'Just the tip?' he asked Gustav.

'Well, not just the tip,' Gustav said, 'It's gotta look good. A decent bit.'

  'Of any finger?'

'Well,' Gustav thought about this. 'I suppose. But if you choose your pinky, it's not as intense, is it?'

Jason just looked at him blankly.

  'Tell you what,' Gustav went on, 'a thousand bucks for your pointing or middle finger, eight hundred for your ring finger and five hundred for your pinky.'

  'How much for my thumb?'

  'You don't wanna cut your thumb off, bro. That's what separates us from the animals, opposable thumbs, dude.'

Jason stared at his thumb.

  'And,' Gustav went on, 'how're you gonna play Playstation with no thumbs, dude?'

  That was a point, Jason thought. That meant his index and middle finger were out of the question too.

  'Thousand bucks for my ring finger,' he said.

  Gustav shook his head, 'Nah, man. Your ring finger ain't an important one. Eight hundred.'

  'Yeah, but if I get married,' Jason countered, 'how'm I supposed to get the ring over a stumpy, knobby half-finger?'

  'You're not gonna get married, man. You're gay!'

  'Am not.'

  'Well I don't see you making a cut, so you're a pussy. And pussy's are gay.'

  Jason contemplated this for a second.

'That doesn't make any sense,' he said with a laugh. 'You dick.'

  'C'mon, man' Gustav whined, 'I'm getting hungry. Hurry up and do it. Pick a finger.'

  Jason took a deep breath; it whistled through his lips as he let it out.

  'I'll do my ring finger,' he said finally.

  'Oh,' Gustav said, disappointed.

  'What?'

  'Nothing. I just thought you'd go for your pointing finger.'

  'It's called an index finger, you dick. And what's the big deal?'

  'Nothing. Just, it'll look better, you know,' Gustav said.

  Jason looked at his index finger. His left index finger. He wouldn't miss it that much, he supposed.

  'Twelve hundred for your index finger, bro!' Gustav suddenly blurted.

  Jason looked up at him. 'Done!'

  Gustav grinned. 'This is gonna be so cool.'

  'Show me the money first,' Jason said, 'before I do anything.'

  'What,' Gustav huffed, 'don't you trust me?'

  Jason cocked an eyebrow at him.

'Alright, alright,' Gustav sounded annoyed. He pulled his wallet from his pocket and started pulling notes from it.

  Jason stared in wonder at the thickness of the thing. It made his wallet look like a folded piece of paper He'd never seen so much money in one place before. But, when your father is the biggest property developer in the city, and you're an only child... Jason's dad worked as a builder and his mum worked at the supermarket, but his folks spent time with him, quality time. Gustav's father gave his son cash, in lieu of being his parent.

'Four hundred. Five,' Gustav counted out the hundred dollar bills.

  $500 – pinky finger, Jason thought.

  'Six. Seven hundred. Eight.'

Ring finger.

  'Nine hundred. Thousand.'

  Middle finger.

'Eleven hundred. Twelve,' Gustav slapped the last note down. 'Twelve hundred in clean crisp hundred dollar bills.'

Jason stared at the small pile of money. It looked so insignificant, so unlike $1200.

  'So,' Gustav said, 'you gonna do it anytime soon?'

  Jason slowly curled his left hand into a fist, then poked his index finger straight. He placed it in the wooden block.

He took a deep breath and exhaled through his teeth.

  He raised the cleaver above his head.

  'Ready?' he asked.

  'Ready,' Gustav said from behind his phone.

He cleared his mind, trying not to think of the pain to come. The blood. Severed limbs. Trying not to think of the razor sharp, glinting edge of the cleaver slicing through his soft, supple pink skin.

He took another breath.

He held it.

The cleaver started to drop. Slowly. Slowly; but gaining speed.

'Wait!' Gustav exploded. 'Wait!'

  Jason, startled, pulled his hand back and the cleaver hit an empty block with a hollow thunk!

'What? ' he cried. 'What? What?'

Gustav was playing with his iPhone; doing something with the camera app..

  'I think,' Gustav said absently, 'maybe we should start with you wriggling your fingers and stuff, then curling into a fist, then doing the cut.'

  Jason stared wide eyed at him.

  'Well, people will think it's fake, won't they?' Gustav shrugged, 'Lets make it look as real as we can.'

  Jason snorted, closed his eyes and tried to stay calm.

  'Just let me know when you're ready,' he said quietly.

'I'm all set,' Gustav said, missing the acerbic tone from Jason.

  Jason exhaled loudly.

'Action,' Gustav whispered at him.

Jason slowly flexed his fist, closing and opening it. He glanced at Gustav, who was grinning and nodding slightly. Jason curled his left hand into a fist, then poked his index finger straight. He placed it in the wooden block.

He took a deep breath and exhaled through his teeth.

He raised the cleaver above his head.

Another quick glance at Gustav, who was still smiling.

He cleared his mind, trying not to think of his stupid dickhead friend, Gustav.

He took another breath.

He held it.

  The cleaver started to drop. Slowly. Slowly, but gaining speed.

The metal glinted in the sun light coming through the kitchen blinds.

It flashed in his eyes.

Everything seemed to be going slow, like he was underwater.

He let his right arm drop, allowed it to succumb to gravity.

The metal flashed again.

Almost there, almost at his finger.

He closed his eyes.

 Then he heard a hollow thunk!

Had he missed? Jason opened his eyes and looked down. His vision clouded, whiteness seeping into frame. His head spun.

He tried to focus. It took a lot of concentration.

He finger was slowly flowing blood. The red liquid wasn't spurting out like he thought it would. It was just like when a sponge is too full and it sort of seeps out, forming a pool.

The third of his finger had rolled off the wooden block and was sat in a small puddle of blood. Droplets, almost like footprints, marked the path it had taken.

He felt his face flush with warmth and his brow bead with sweat. His head felt light and expanding, like a helium balloon.

  Gustav's voice drifted into his ears. 'Cool. Cool. Cool,' he just kept saying. Or maybe Jason was hearing an echo.

  Jason looked up at the ceiling and tried to take deep breaths. But his vision gotten whiter and he struggled to hold onto consciousness. He dropped his head back down, letting it flop against his chest.

Then the pain really made itself known.

What had started as an stinging sensation, more like an intense tingle at first, quickly became a throb. And it got worse with every quickening beat of his heart. Then the fire started. It felt like someone was holding a flame under his fingertip. Then they were pouring hot oil onto his blistering, bubbling skin; the skin tearing and melting from the bone, pulling muscle and tendons from his hand and his finger. That's what it felt like. The pain spread with a agonising warmth through his hand and his wrist.

  Still, Jason did not cry out.

  No tears fell from his eyes.

  No sound passed his lips, besides his short, shallow, breaths.

  He gently raised his hand and propped his elbow on the table, keeping his finger pointed at the ceiling. The blood continued to dribble from the missing tip and ran down his arm, collecting at his elbow, forming a slowly coagulating puddle of browning red.

  He dropped the cleaver and grasped his left wrist, squeezing tightly, trying to stop the pain from spreading further down his arm. It seemed to work. He squeezed harder, the knuckles on his right hand standing out stark white. The pain backed off a little, centralizing around his damaged finger.

  Jason closed his eyes. He took two deep breaths, concentrating hard on the inhalation/exhalation process. The pain subsided a little more.

  Then he opened his eyes and inspected his handy work.

  One third of his left index finger was gone. From the last knuckle. It was a clean slice, almost surgical.

  He was thankful Gustav's dad had good, expensive knives.

  By squeezing his wrist he had stemmed the blood flow a bit. Now it seemed to only flow in time with his beating heart.

  Beat. Drip. Beat. Drop. Beat. Drip. Beat. Plop.

  Gustav picked up the finger tip and held it in front of the camera lens.

  'Dude!' Gustav cried, finally lowering his phone. 'Dude! That was so cool.'

  Gustav waved the finger tip in front of Jason's eyes.

  'I can't believe you did that, man,' he was waving the bit of finger around.

  A groan managed to crackle from Jason's dry, arid throat.

  'What?' Gustav asked.

  Jason groaned again, the air rasping like sandpaper on his larynx.

  'Are you okay, bro?'

  Jason got off the stool and stood on shaky legs. He made to grab the small pile of money with his left hand, the movement setting the blood trickling. He splashed blood over the money, remembered his injury, and grabbed the money with his right. He stuffed the notes into his pocket.

  He stumbled over to the sink, supporting himself with the kitchen bench.

  He turned on the faucet and held his finger under the cool water. It stung like hell, but it felt like a fire was being extinguished in his finger.

  Jason sighed, with a little relief.

  'Dude,' Gustav said, concentrating on his phone's screen, 'this looks so sick.'

  The sink became dyed scarlet, splashing bloody water about. Red drops settled on the sinks sides and the surrounding bench.

  'Awesome,' Gustav said to his phone.

  Jason leaned his weight against the sink and let the water course over his wound.

  'I can't wait to get this shit on YouTube,' Gustav was excited. 'We're gonna get so many hits, bro. You're gonna be famous!'

Jason groaned at him.

  'We're gonna need more, though,' Gustav rewound the video and played it again.

  Jason was starting to feel better. The rushing ba-dom-da-dom in his ears had quietened down and the pain was now nearly bearable.

  Then he heard a faint thunk! It had come from the iPhone's speaker.

  He felt his head start to swim, the room start to spin. He managed to fight his way back from the unconsciousness that wanted to claim him. He breathed hard.

  'How much to cut off a toe, bro?' Gustav asked innocently, 'Or another finger? Or your ear? Yeah, your ear.'

  Jason threw up into the sink, splashing vomit over the bench and himself.

  He noticed that the watery blood and vomit resembled an artwork by Picasso or someone.

  Then he passed out.

  As he tumbled to the floor he heard a girlish squeal coming from somewhere. He just hoped it wasn't from him.

  Then darkness.

  He opened his eyes, the light was blinding. He squinted and looked through his lashes. He was in a bed. Strange noises were all around him. And it smelt like disinfectant.

  He was in hospital.

  He was aware of his head stinging, right above his left temple.

  He reached up with his left hand to feel his head. He saw the bandage covering his fingers and his entire hand to his wrist. The clean white cloth, marred with a yellow-brown stain near his index finger. He turned his hand over in front of his face, his head momentarily forgotten. He tried to flex and bend his fingers, but the bandage was too restricting. He had no movement from his wrist up. He lowered his left and raised his right to inspect his head.

  He felt a long raised line, with intermittent small lumps. He guessed they were stitches. Five he counted all up. He must of smacked his head. Or Gustav had tried to take his ear. A shudder ran its way up his spine.

  He patted his thighs, looking for the 1200 cash. But his pants were gone, he was dressed in a gown.

He looked around his room. His hospital room. Beside his bed was a vase full of bright yellow and purple flowers that took up most of its surface. His watch was placed carefully next to the vase. His mobile phone, switched off, was next to his watch. He looked the other way and saw a table on wheels. A jug and a cup sat on the table, but it was positioned to far for him to reach. Which was a really shit thing, because his throat was parched.

  The door to his room opened. His parents and his younger brother, Bruce, walked in. His mother looked solemn. His father had an angry look in his eyes. Jason knew his mother would've told his father to hold off the lectures and punishment until Jason was back at home.

  'How are you feeling dear?' His mother asked.

  Jason nodded, 'Alright.'

  'How's the head?' she asked.

  Jason nodded, 'Alright.'

  His mother pulled a chair across the room and sat next to his bed. She patted his right hand and looked around the room, inspecting every detail, taking in every speck of dust, every smudge on any surface. She looked everywhere. Except into Jason's eyes. She wouldn't look at him. Her gaze kept skimming over his face, finding another imperfection in the room to settle on.

'It's a nice room,' she commented.

  'Hmm,' Jason mumbled, 'thanks.'

  'Oh, it's covered by the insurance,' his mother said with a wave.

  This went on for 10 minutes or so. His mother making inane chat whilst avoiding The Big Question or any topic that would lead to The Big Question. His father stood and glared at him, almost like he was willing him better so he'd be discharged and sent home, A.S.A.P. Bruce just stood next to his father, a stupid grin on his face.

  His mother suddenly stood, scraping the chair along the floor.

  'I need a coffee,' she announced.

  'Hmm, me too,' his father agreed. 'Bruce?'

  'Nah, 'm'good' Bruce grinned.

  Jason's parents left the room. Bruce pulled the chair closer to the bed and sat down, leaning his arms on the mattress.

  'They ain't gonna ask, but I am,' he was still grinning. 'Why'd you do it?'

  Jason shrugged.

  'Aw, c'mon, why?'

  Jason shrugged again.

  'It's all over the net,' Bruce said. 'It's gone nuts!'

  Jason looked up at him, a smile flashed upon his lips.

  'Mum an' Dad saw it.'

  Jason's smile quickly disappeared.

  'They went nuts! Mum, like totally freaked.'

  Jason's smile returned, just a little.

  'It was so cool. The blood dude, there was so much.'

  Jason nodded.

  'So, why'd you do it?'

  Jason looked at him, 'Gus gave me twelve hundred bucks to do it.'

  'Cool,' Bruce said.

  'Yeah.'

  'Worth it?' Bruce asked.

  'Dunno,' Jason wiggled in his bed, he'd suddenly become uncomfortable, 'it hurt like a bitch.'

  'I bet.'

  The door to his room opened and his parents walked in holding a steaming cup each. Bruce looked up at his parents and got up out of the chair. He went and stood next to his father. The chair remained empty.

  'I've spoken to the nurse,' his mother said, 'and she assures me that you'll be out of here by tomorrow afternoon. Isn't that great?' she forced a smile.

  Jason nodded.

  His father opened the door and walked into the hallway, holding the door open for his mother and brother. His mother stood at the doorway and looked at her son lying in a hospital bed, she sighed. Then she walked out.

'They sewed it back on,' Bruce said quietly. 'Fucking cool, dude!' He turned and exited the room.

As the door slowly eased shut, Jason could here his father chastising Bruce for his bad language.

Jason looked at his bandaged hand, turning it in front of his eyes, and he smiled.

  His father wasn't half as bad as Jason thought he was going to be. He seemed more disappointed that a seed of his loins would willingly hurt themselves in such an extreme manner. He was disappointed with Jason's total disregard for his own body. Jason was grounded for two months. He was to go straight to school and straight home. No extracurricular activities. No friends over. No phone calls. No internet. And definitely, unquestionably, no Gustav!

  The internet ban lasted 1 and a half days. Jason made an excuse about research for a school project that was overdue. The first thing he did was find the video Gus had uploaded. He watched the blade come down, he heard the thunk, he saw the blood.

  And he felt the pain.

  Watching it from another point of view dulled it down a bit. But the painful memories came flooding back. He managed to swallow down the lump in his throat. He didn't watch it again.

  The phone call ban was never enforced. How could it be, he had his own phone and paid his own bill. And if they wanted to play stupid games, he'd just go buy another one. No big deal. He still had most of the 1200 bucks left.

He wasn't back at school yet and after a few days at home, he was left home alone. A quick text message and Gustav was knocking at his door. They went up to Jason's room and sat on his bed.

'How're you feeling?' Gustav asked.

'Alright,' Jason replied.

  'Man, you are such a star at school.'

  Jason grinned.

'Melony wants you bad, now bro.'

  Jason's grin got bigger.

  Gustav dropped his voice, 'Have you seen it yet?'

  Jason nodded his head. 'You wanna?'

  Gustav nodded vigorously.

  Jason held his hand in front of him. They both stared at it. Then Jason undid the clasp and slowly started to unwrap the bandage. As the layers came off, and the blood started to flow a bit more freely, his finger started to throb.

He winced.

  'Alright bro?' Gustav asked with genuine concern.

  Jason gritted his teeth and nodded.

  He continued to unwrap the bandage. The last bit fell from his hand and his finger was layered with a piece of gauze. He carefully, wincing, pulled the gauze away from the skin.

  'Awesome,' Gustav exclaimed.

  'Hell yeah!' Jason agreed.

  The finger tip had been reattached and a thin deep red line ran the circumference of his finger. Jason gingerly flexed his finger a little bit, flinching with the pain.

  'Dude,' Gustav said, 'that is so cool. So cool.'

  Jason grinned and nodded.

  'You're famous from that finger, bro.'

  Jason's grin got wider.

  'I'll give you,' Gustav said, 'fifteen hundred to do it again!'

By J. Barrett

09/05/13